Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
