the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
