i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
