i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
