she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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