Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
