Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
