I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
