he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Panties = found
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