I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
