So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
