that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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