I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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