he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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