College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
