I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
