I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
