There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
