Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
