can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
