just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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