Swine flu. Run for my life!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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