I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can I color on your dick again?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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