you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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