I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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