It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I see more hoeing in ur future
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
