I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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