All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
