I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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