Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
