Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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