Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
