Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
