He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
