ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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