JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
People in love make me want to vomit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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