you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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