I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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