I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
