glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
