Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You pole danced in your parka.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
