remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
