Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
