my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
