pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need water and some morals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
