new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
