why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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