Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
