Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
