Four minutes until I can fart!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
