I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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